Saw this on the front page of Yahoo today.
Apparently, the new Kinect controller for the Xbox is supposed to come with a levitating invisible chair. Which is beyond bad-ass. I think I’m going to buy, like, ten for my home. Because this is the one thing my home needs.
Freakin’ awesome.
Update: I read the article, and there was no mention of magical floating unseen chairs, just some crap about a new doohickey from Microsoft that lets you play games by just talking or moving around. I’m really disappointed, Microsoft.
A while back, I did a piece about how I got an awesomely defaced five-dollar bill. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can read about it here.
Any who, while farting around on the ‘net, I found pics of some other cool, artistically modified buckage. Check some out below:
Wartime Washington
Wizard Washington
Zombie George
The McFather of our McCountry
Obligatory Ninja Washington
Pimp Washington
Super Mario Lincoln
Tron Lincoln
You can see more of this sort of stuff here.
Worth 1000 is a spiffy site where people post mainly pics. Now, that may sound like Flickr, Snapfish, and the bazillion gazillion other photo sites out there. However, Worth 1000 is different in that people who post their pics compete against each other in contests (categories include both unaltered and Photoshopamified pics). A few of the contest submissions are lame, but a large number of them are pretty good.
The ones below fall into the “pretty good” category – they’re part of a photoset that is titled “Celebs Gone Bad”. (I think.)
Bad Carradine
Count Hopkins Read more »
I came across this five dollar bill image on the web not too long ago.
Abe Lincoln instead of Kurt Russel? Outstanding. Although he looks a bit like Captain Ahab in this pic.
Then, the other day, I was given this back as change at my local grocery store:
I don’t quite know who this Juan Pedro is – a search on Google turned up, like, a million Juan Pedros, none of whom looked like this – but you have to admire how hip n’ smooth Abe looks here, with his sleek shades, trim goatee, and blood-red hair. It’s like the perfect hybrid of crotchety old uptight American history and slick laid-back coolness.
Also: It’s graffiti! But it’s legal tender!
Awesome.
After taking a bath one morning, I opened the shower curtain and saw the following sight.
It was my pile of dirty, stink-ass clothes. What was interesting was the fact that I could make out what looked like a face.
Upon further inspection and doing some extensive research (and by “extensive research”, I mean putting my blind-ass eyes almost at floor level), I determined that I wasn’t hallucinating (like I usually do in the morning). No, there most definitely was a face in the clothes. And from the expression he was making (assuming it was a “he”), it looked like he was pretty pissed off.
I think he’s probably mad mostly because he’s buried under the dirty stink-stank funk of my sweaty socks. Also, he doesn’t have any arms or legs to get himself outta there. That would be enough to piss me off, too. Especially if I was made of nothing but clothes as well.
It sucks to be him.
.
I was at the local grocery store, waiting in the checkout line behind a woman who was buying 16 cans of wet cat food, 1 big fat bag of Purina Cat Chow, a bag of kitty litter and 6 bags of cat treats.
After the woman had paid and left, the cashier, looking dazed, said, “I guess she has a cat.”
Good sleuthwork, cashier lady. I don’t know how you deduced this, but I’m sure that Sherlock Holmes would be proud. Probably.
.
Nice. (Click on the image to see a bigger version.)
I recently came across this image of Rosie O’ Donnell, and decided to have some fun with it.
I went on pikipimp, and started to mess with the photo.
Hey look, it’s Abraham Rosie O’ Lincoln.
Holy crap, I think this is Rob Zombie’s long lost brother.
…And this must be the world’s scariest nerd. “You will lend me that library book! And I will defecate on your desk!”
WTF?…it looks like Hagrid had a little too much mead to drink last night.
Check out some of the weird crap you can do on pikipimp here.
I know it’s been a while since I wrote about our Florida trip (like, about two whole weeks), but, just to show you all that I can milk a vacay for every last bit of material, I figured I’d write about our Key West hot sauce store experience right now.
The place we visited is called “Peppers of Key West”.
The store consisted of walls & shelves jam-packed with hot sauces that have names like “Smack My Ass and Call Me Sally”, “Butt Pucker XX”, and “Colon Blow Habanero”. They have a bar where you sit and eat chips and taste the sauces and experience differing degrees of pain. They start out all mild and stuff, but eventually work you up to something called “Sphincter Shrinker” that tastes like flaming liquid napalm. And, after that, they bring out the really hot stuff.
(Hot sauce bartender, holding a toothpick) Here, slide that over your tongue.
(Foolish me) O.K.
(Hot sauce bartender) That toothpick was dipped in Mad Dog 357 sauce, which is rated at 600,000 Scoville units. If you put it on your arm, it would blister your skin within seconds.
(Foolish me) HO….HO…HOLYMOTHEROFGOD MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE
(Hot sauce bartender) It’s three times more potent than police-grade pepper spray, and 120 times hotter than jalepeno peppers.
(Foolish me, sweating and panting, eyes watering) AH…AH…AH…OHSWEETJESUS GODDAMN IT
I lost my hearing and stopped breathing for a few moments; it was like eating battery acid mixed with lava. Tabasco is cool & refreshing by comparison. After about 15 minutes, the sensation of having a molten steel ingot on my tongue began to subside. Then I farted. Jesus H. Christ, I thought my ass had ignited.
We walked out of the store shortly thereafter, but not without making a purchase – my wife bought a bottle of a nice, pleasant-sounding concoction called “Ass Reaper”, complete with a cloaked skull as the bottle top:
Under the name, it says “That’s your ass now.” Although it’s not supposed to be quite as insane as the 357, it’s still supposed to pack plenty of heat (which, from the looks of the cheerful packaging, I never would’ve guessed).
Next time my wife makes chili, I think I’m going to order takeout.
.
Recently, I was at my desk at work eating an apple and surfing the ‘net, when one of my female colleagues walked up with a new senior manager who just got hired. She was making introductions and giving the new hire the lay of the office. Wanting to give a good impression (’cause who knows, this could be my future boss), I stood up, introduced myself and held out my hand. Both my colleague and the new manager gave me a weird look, and the manager shook my hand, but very reluctantly, as though I was a ginormous alien insect.
.
Um…hi.
After they’d gone, I was thinking, “What the hell?” I pulled out a mirror that I keep in one of my desk drawers to see if there was something wrong with my appearance.
It turns out that there was a nice-sized hunk of bright green apple hanging out of one of my nostrils, looking very much like a big-ass booger.
Which was awesome. I’m all about having everyone I meet think I’m some kind of snot-nosed boogery freak. Especially upper management types.
